I Am Not A Feminist. I Am Now Mad.

I tweeted a thread yesterday about how a lot of the problems feminism tries to tackle were/are created and sustained by women. 

I am not a Feminist. I am now mad.

I got a lot of backlash for coming out to say women have a fault in the misogyny we’re fighting. 

I am not a Feminist. I am now mad.

I had a conversation with my father about this yesterday afternoon, and after much thought, I realized that part of the reason men are wont to disrespect women is because women.

I am not a Feminist. I am now mad.

Patriarchy is a concept created by men, based on the “natural law” that the man is the head. I do not believe that this stops any man from duely respecting all women or learning to cook and clean with the best of them.

I am not a Feminist. I am now mad.

Misogyny literally means “the hatred for/of women”. It could also be translated as a prejudice against women. I made a point in my thread that women may have created this and have actively fueled this.

I am not a Feminist. I am now mad.

If Patriarchy says the man is the head, I don’t believe that translates to ‘the man is the better’. A lot of people will not agree with me; some will insult me, but I think misogyny was created when most women, instead of standing up to oppression, fed the egos of their husbands and taught their sons to believe that the station culture has assigned them makes anything and everything theirs for the taking.

I am not a Feminist. I am now mad.

When we decided to go with it and teach our daughters to aspire to marriage and nurturing children; when we decided to tie the worth of a woman to her affinity for men and her ability to push out children, we created misogyny.

I am not a Feminist. I am now mad.

When we decided that instead of teaching Ebuka work for Hasanat’s affections, we’ll teach him to demand it; we created misogyny.

I am not a Feminist. I am now mad.

A lot of men aren’t patriarchs in this very patriarchal society of ours, and yet they still have the audacity to talk to Chinwe anyway they see fit because we saw a problem started by the government our husbands and fathers started and we didn’t teach our sons any better.

I am not a Feminist. I am now mad.

Nadia worked hard, sacrificed almost everything to become the Nobel Prize winning photographer that she is today, but Hajia still doesn’t consider her amazing daughter a woman, because at 28, Nadia is traveling the world instead of settling down and having Majid’s sons. Ngozi’s husband has just died of cancer, and the women of her Umunna have made it their personal mission to see that she is the most miserable widow; “after all, we all went through it when our husbands died”. Bolatito’s mother says she has to have a son if she wants to keep her husband. She and Gbenga have four beautiful girls.

I am not a Feminist. I am now mad.

We are women. We are feminists. Whether we like it or not, we have created an environment for misogyny to thrive, but we have the power to create the chain reaction that will bring it to the barest minimum, or better yet end it. 

                       ****

Teach your sons to work for everything; Kikelomo is not an item to be bought, stolen or demanded. Teach your daughters that there is so much more to her than the number of children she will have or how handsome/rich a husband she can attract. Teach her she can do everything, and even misogyny will take a seat when she walks in. 

This is the point I tried making with my tweets. This is my brand of feminism, but Twitter taught me today that I am not a Feminist; I am now mad.

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